Sunday, October 23, 2011
Seasons of a Mothers Heart - Chapter 7
I am reading Seasons of a Mothers Heart by Sally Clarkson and linking up over at Home With The Boys. Remember you can also follow tweets about the book by using hashtag #momsheart.
Well I am a bit behind with this post. I totally forgot about the introduction to each chapter and thought I was done but then when I went to start chapter 8 I realized I wasn't. I have caught up and read chapters 7 and 8 and now just need to get my posts written. I will warn you now my chapter 9 post will also be delayed because we will be moving into our new apartment next week and there is much to be done.
Chapter 7 -A Touch of Sympathy
Wow I feel like this book was written just for me, lol. We have really been struggling with discipline in our house and both my husband and I tend to react quickly with harshness and punishments. We have tried everything: taking away privileges, reasoning, time outs you name it. But after reading chapter 7 I have found that we have found that we have not been using the language of sympathy.
Sympathy is a word that comes from Greek and literally meats "to feel with." Sympathy is simply the willingness to understand and validate your child's thoughts and feelings. In order to show sympathy to your child you must accept and affirm their unique personality that God has given to them. And this is were I have the trouble, especially with my dear daughter. Her personality is very much like mine with the exception of her primary love language (The 5 love languages of children). She is anxious, artistic, creative, controlling, caring, competitive, OCD, outgoing, perfectionist and talkative. Her primary love language is physical touch and so is my husbands which is a hard one for me to express (visit this link to read more about love languages). I know that providing her daily with sympathy as well as speaking her love language will greatly improve her behavior but boy is it HARD. I am still not 100% sure about Rowyn's personality. He is much like my husband and brother. He is creative, shy, stubborn, teaser and pessimistic.
I feel that working outside of the home and not getting to spend much time with my children for the last 5 years is one reason their behavior is hard to control. So we hope that by me now being home it will slowly start to improve once we discover what their needs are, use their love languages and show them sympathy.
All of our recent changes me being a stay at home mom, new job for Ben, finance struggles and an upcoming move have really been taking a toll on us and we are all still adjusting. I also know that Ben's and my stresses rub off on the kids. It is my hope that over the next several weeks things will get back to normal and slow down so we can really start focusing on our family. I know I certainly want our children to "always find a sympathetic mother who is ready at any time to listen, affirm, comfort and guide." pg 144
As always I love these ideas. And I am definitely going to give this a try in the next few weeks. Create a questionnaire that probes likes and dislikes, preferences for living and learning, and hopes and dreams. Make copies and personally interview each child with questions. Summarize any discoveries you make about their personalities.
Quotes and Scriptures that really hit my heart:
-Sympathy is the key that lets me into my child's heart - pg 138
-We don't use their personalities to excuse unacceptable behavior, but we do respond to the behavior with personality in mind. pg 139 - This really spoke to me. Because Gwyns love language is physical touch she loves to be near me all the time, cuddle anytime I sit down on the sofa and constantly hug. Often I react harshly if I am busy trying to get something done or not in the mood to have her hang on me. And I know that is not the way to respond to a physical toucher. That type of response makes things 100 times worse and sends a bad message to her.
-With that wind in their wings, you'll set them free to fly. - pg 141
-Sympathy - This language is made up of words that express interest, tenderness, gentleness, confidence, loyalty, and love. - pg 142
Educating the WholeHearted Child - find out if your child is a Doer, a Helper, a Mover, or a Shaper
If you have read the book please feel free to share your thoughts!