Wednesday, April 11, 2012

The 5 Love Languages Of Children Review & Giveaway

We first learned about The 5 Love Languages of Children after my husband and I read The 5 Love Languages: The Secret to Love That Lasts which is Dr. Chapman's first book. The 5 Love Languages helped strengthen our marriage and helped us realize a key component we were missing in our marriage which was meeting one anothers primary love language daily and filling up our "Love Tanks."

Well after completing The 5 Love Languages and getting our love languages figured out we realized we were probably not meeting our children's primary love languages like we needed too so we purchased The 5 Love Languages of Children. And let me just say that this book is just as amazing and a MUST have for every parent or parent to be. Dr. Chapman explains in detail the 5 love languages and how they affect our children. When we read The 5 Love Languages of Children we read the 2005 edition. This review though will focus on the new update which was released earlier this year. There have been a few changes to the content and a new look but it still gives a powerful message to ALL parents. Some changes I quickly noticed were in the first chapter. The subheadings are different and bulleted items are cleaner looking. I also love the new quote feature they added to the sides of several pages. One of my favorite quotes is "You may truly love your child, but unless she feels it - she will not feel loved." A major change is the front cover which I actually like better. It is much brighter and more cheerful and I love the rain boots with the flowers poking out. The text is slightly bigger which I like as well (better for those aging eyes, lol).

So if you don't know the The Five Love Languages they are:
  • Quality Time
  • Words of Affirmation
  • Gifts
  • Physical Touch
  • Acts of Service

The book helped us pin point our children's love language so that we could make them feel extremely loved. In the first chapter of the book you will learn what the emotional tank is, what your children need from you, loving your children as they grow and more. Then you will proceed to the next 5 chapters which discuss the love languages in detail. The chapters will discuss topics such as what that love language is and isn't, what you as a parent should be doing to express that love language and what your children are saying to help reveal their love language.

My favorite part is at the end of each love language chapter where they give parents some ideas for expressing your child's love language. Here are some examples: Physical Touch - snuggle closely together on the couch when watching TV, Words of Affirmation - create a special name of affection for your child that is only used between the two of you, Quality Time - make photo albums together on your computer and talk together about the memories you shared in the process, Gifts - create a secret drawer where your child can keep her small treasures like bird feathers, etc, Acts of Service - assist your child in fixing a favorite broken toy or  bicycle. These ideas really help when you are having a rough day and possibly out of ideas for showing your child's love language. I think copying some or all of these down for your child's love language and placing them somewhere you look everyday like the fridge would be a great idea and a helpful reminder to you to speak your child's love language every day.

The next chapter discusses how to discover your child's primary love language. Generally the love language your child expresses towards you and other is most likely their primary love language. It may take some time to figure out their love language but don't give up the rewards are amazing once you do. There are several great suggestions like listening to your children and their requests and complaints, using choices and for the tough children to figure out the fifteen week experiment.

The next two chapters are probably my favorite and the hardest I think every parent, discipline and the love languages and learning and the love languages. We learned in the discipline chapter that for a child whose love language is physical touch spankings, etc can be very detrimental so we use those as a last resort with Gwyn. A spanking to her is taking her love language and using it in a negative way. It leaves her not only punished but also unloved. If a spanking must occur as a last resort we always follow up with a hug. The chapter on the love languages and learning is a GREAT chapter for homeschool families. Dr. Chapman discusses how the love languages aid in learning, why a child could be anxious and how you can help motivate your child.

For all those parents who loose their tempers like I do sometimes chapter 10 is great. There is a great diagram in this chapter called the anger ladder (another item which should go on the fridge.)

And the final two chapters discuss speaking the love languages in a single parent families and speaking the love languages in marriage. These are both great chapters because how we raise our children, what they learn and how much they feel loved starts with the parents and the relationships they have with each other. Whether you are married, divorced or a widow these two chapters will help you discover your love language needs.

In the back of the book there is an easy assessment called the love languages mystery game which will assist you in figuring out what your child's love language is.

So after reading the book we discovered that Gwyn is Physical Touch and Rowyn is Gifts. The assessment is so easy that a 3-4 yr old can comprehend the questions and answer appropriately. We now make a conscious effort to try and meet our children's primary love languages daily so they have full emotional tanks. It works VERY well with Gwyn. If she gets her cuddles, back rubs, legs rubs, hand holding, hugs and kisses she is a better behaved, happier and more attentive.

Now there is a small problem. It can be very, very difficult to express your children's or even your spouses love language sometimes because 9 times out of 10 your love languages will not be the same. I am NOT a physical toucher and never have been. So trying to meet both my husband and daughter's primary love language (both are physical touch) is hard at times. But all I can say is keep working at it. The rewards are amazing and it does get easier. Take it from someone whose love language was never spoken as a child.  When I discovered my love language which is words of affirmation it finally dawned on me while my self esteem was so bad. Instead and getting positive words of affirmation as a child I was getting negative ones or not receiving any at. When my husband and kids (yup they have their mommy figured out) started speaking my primary love language my self esteem started to improve. Which in turn is making me a better wife and mother. When my husband tells me how much he appreciates everything I do for our family and how much he loves me it melts my heart. And when my kids say, "your the best mommy and teacher ever" or "mommy you're so beautiful" I just want to cry tears of joy. So I can tell you first hand that even though you may not see instant results something huge is occurring and just be patient.

Links to follow:
-The Five Love Languages of Children Website
-The 5 Love Languages Website
-Dr. Gary Chapman on Facebook
-Dr. Gary Chapman on Twitter

Where to buy:
You can purchase The Five Love Languages of Children here on Amazon or on 5 Love

Now time for the giveaway: 
Only the first entry is mandatory. Other entries are optional and give you extra chances. This giveaway is not affiliated with Facebook in any way. The winner will be posted on the blog and will be emailed. Winner must reply within 48 hrs with their name, address, phone number, and email address or another winner will be chosen. Prize will be mailed to you directly by Propeller.

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*Disclaimer of Material Connection: I received one or more of the products or services mentioned above for free in the hope that I would mention it on m blog. Regardless, I only recommend products or services I use personally and believe will be good for my readers. I am disclosing this in accordance with the Federal Trade Commission's 16 CFR, Part 255 "Guides Concerning the Use of Endorsements and Testimonials Advertising."


Liz C said...

Kathy - I am so excited you did this review! I've been wanting to read this book since I saw you post that you're reading it!! =)

Jmcgill74 said...

I have always wanted this book!  We've read the 5 Love Languages as well...mine is definitely Acts of Service!

Juliecampbell0607 said...

Looks like a great read. Thanks for the chance to win.

WendyG said...

What an exciting giveaway.  The Five Love Languages is one of my favorite books and since reading it this book has been on my wish list.  I would love to win.  Thank you for offering this giveaway. 

Gidget said...

I think mine is affirmations - is that one?  lol

Kathy Balman said...

Yes that is a love language you awesome amazing homeschool mom. Thats my love language too.

Gidget said...

Hey, that's cool that we've got the same one you rockin' homeschool mom!  :)  (Maybe that's why we enjoy the giveaways so much  teeheehee we get affirmations of winning...)

the irelands said...

Hey Kathy, 
   My name's Jennifer Ireland, we belong to the home school group also, I have seen you a couple of times at some excursions but haven't had the chance to really meet you!  We'll be at ATA tomorrow so we may see you there!  Your blog is fabulous...feel free to follow our's also...granted, it's more scrapbook style.  I need to take blogging lessons from you, this is really great!

Kathryn Plasencia said...

My main love language is acts of service. Or at least is was a few years ago when I read the grown-up version of the book.

Justjoanies said...

This looks like a must read!

Kbalman said...

Thank you for your kind words. The ATA field trip got cancelled so I guess we will have to wait to meet until the next event : (

LaraMolettiere said...

Mine is acts of service and my husbands is touch.

Sarah Halstead said...

I think mine is gifts. He he. 

Amanda said...

My love language is definitely physical touch. I love cuddling!

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