Thursday, June 30, 2011

L is for Love Languages

L is the letter this week for the ABC's of homeschooling meme. L is for Love Languages!

About a year ago my husband and I got the "The 5 Love Languages" book written by Gary Chapman. This book is a must read for every couple.  It truly helped our marriage and made us realize what we both needed in order to feel more loved.

Did you know there are 5 love languages? They are Quality Time, Words of Affirmation, Gifts, Acts of Service and Physical Touch. There is a love language assessment on Dr. Chapmans website so you can find out what you and your spouses love language is. Well it turns out mine is Words of Affirmation and Ben's is Physical Touch. For most of our marriage though I would perform Acts of Service (like keeping the house clean, calling his Drs for him etc.) thinking that was showing how much I loved him. He liked that I did those things and appreciated my acts but it didn't fill his love tank. And he would show his love for me by spending quality and providing physical touch. But it wasn't what filled my love tank. Now it is important to remember that all 5 love languages are necessary and should be expressed but your primary love language should be used more.

Now if you think that sounds like a great book it gets even better. Dr. Chapman also has a book called "The Five Love Languages of Children."  After we read the couple book we decided we must read the one for children. And this book just like the couple version this is a must have for have for any parent. This book helped us realize what our children were not getting in order to feel extremely loved. Again there is an easy assessment to help you figure out what your child's love language is. Gwyn is Physical Touch and Rowyn is Gifts. The assessment is so easy that a 3 yr old can comprehend the questions and answer appropriately. So we now try to meet our children s primary love languages daily so they have full love tanks. It works especially well with Gwyn. If she gets her cuddles, back rubs, legs rubs, hand holding, hugs and kisses she is much more pleasant and her behavior is better.

Now there is the problem. I am not a physical toucher and never have been so trying to meet both my husband and daughter's primary love language is very, very, very hard. For months I have been trying to express their love language more, but it is tough. So if this sounds like it will be an easy task I will tell you it is noy. Most of the time husbands and wives have different love languages and you are speaking the wrong one to your spouse. And you will possibly have a hard time speaking their love language because it conflicts with your personality.

I will end this post with the words off the back of the book "Every child (like every adult) expresses and receives love best through one of the five communication styles." If your love language is different from your children's, you'd better learn to translate-fast. Or you could miss your chance to meet their deepest emotional needs. Discover how to express conditional feelings of respect, affection and commitment that will resonate in their souls-and inspire them for the rest of their lives." Gary Chapman,. PH.D


Theresa said...

Wow, this is very interesting. I am going to have to look into this book.

I've known for a while that people communicate differently, but had never thought/heard of this. Fascinating.

Kathy Balman said...

@Theresa They are both very very very good books! My husband and I read them together. Since reading the couple one we have recommended it to so many couples. We give them away now as wedding presents.

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